we went away for a weekend last month and mitchell got us cameras so we could see through each others’ eyes and yesterday for the zine fest i was so busy i forgot to eat and he brought me a bagel and a donut and basically what I am trying to say is my boyfriend like idk really “gets” me and I am so happy wtf is my dream life who has this did you all know about this already?!
likewe-redying asked: what are three things you are glad you achieved after moving to NYC, and where do you see yourself in 5 years?
three things (not in order)
i am not very good at “the future.” in five years i hope to be on my “career path,” working with my brain and with people instead of mostly coding. my spine won’t hurt constantly, and i’ll have my own apartment and no pets. my humor will evolve past self-deprecating, and i will have married sarah jean in at least 1 more state.
today marks 1 full year of living in new york city, a year that has changed me in ways i did not and could not have anticipated, good, bad, and “i don’t know yet or ever.” this year has gone by so quickly that it’s almost hard to comprehend at all.
this morning i picked up all my developed film, ten rolls from the last year. at the same time that the year has disappeared, i’m suddenly hit with an overwhelming wealth of documentation — road trip signage, best friends & breakfast, people i have loved, and things i forgot completely.
life has been really good to me and i have a lot of positive things in my life. but i also have a lot of work to do. i’m realizing things about myself that a lot of people who love me have already known. i’m realizing things that i have been leaking out the sides onto the internet and through the bits and pieces that i make, art or whatever.
so now i have all these emotions and memories and photos. are they art? does that matter? do i put them on facebook and tag my friends? do i edit and juxtapose and put them to paper? is this past year a zine? is this past year a postcard series? will the life i’m living and the lessons i learned still matter if i don’t make something out of it? are the feelings still valid if i don’t share them? can i even share everything? will i be too vulnerable? is it fair to air out the old feelings when everyone is so diligently moving on in their own directions? is it fair to relive past lives when i can only move forward?
i’ve spent the last few months just trying to figure out what everything means for me. i’ve regretted “being an ‘artist,’” i have wished that i didn’t always have to “make things out of things,” i have wished that i could just work and eat and sleep and repeat. but that’s just not how i function.
the truth is what i guess i have always known. life is what you make of it. sometimes literally, and i explore that a lot. but it can’t always be tangible. not every feeling can be a postcard that i can mail away. some emotions are exactly what they are, and they have to be mine to keep. so i am going to go through all my photos and i will share some when i figure it all out.
Don’t beat yourself up.
Over anything. For real. Stop. You can’t live like that. I mean, feel bad if you do a shitty thing. Temporarily, though. Not for a year, three years, five years, ten years. Don’t revisit your worst shit daily, as a ritual. Don’t walk around saying “I am a terrible person” to yourself as a mantra. Or at least, catch yourself when you do. This shit gets ingrained. It makes you into a closed-off person whose feelings come out in weird bursts because you’re not in touch with them so much of the time. This post. This post is a good example of the kind of weird out of the blue shit you will come up with after not sharing your feelings with most people for months on end and telling yourself you are in the way and terrible.
I’m looking for my first studio space and it’s pretty overwhelming. So I decided to do what I do best, which is talk to people and ask them a lot of questions. Today I visited the Greenpoint, Brooklyn studio of illustrator Nick Iluzada, whose name I will link repeatedly.
Nick’s work is bright and cheerful with a whole lot of movement. Sort of like him, basically. He’s done editorial work for like The New York Times and The Atlantic, releases his own prints and zines, and does lots of collaborative projects too. He is in my 2013 weekly planner! He is a nice guy! He has a tumblr!
As a freelancer, he needs to keep busy and focused, but he seems pretty good at both of those things. His shared studio space is full of physical resources (all the paper! risograph printer! a million comics!) as well as people resources (I met cartoonist & illustrator Nick Sumida too!) and tons of good stuff to look at.
I guess a good way to develop your work and explore new ideas is to work with other people, in a space that allows for experimentation, that isn’t just your bedroom. If anyone else around NYC has a cool studio space to check out, let me know!